I only occasionally include songs with a post. Other people do a much better job of matching mood and melody. For today’s post, this song by The Romantics inspired the title and is bouncy enough to listen to while reading this post.
The Fall season has arrived here in the Washington, D.C., area. The leaves are turning pretty colors and falling from the trees, drying and curling on the ground. A wafting breeze creates a rain-like effect of leaves fluttering down. Cars leave swirling eddies of leaves in their wake. The humidity is gone, the bugs gone, the weather often warm but not hot, sometimes cool but not cold. If the weather were like this all year, we’d all be kind to our reagion’s useless drivers, there would be no wars, and Congress would work efficiently. I’ll remember this Fall because it marks my first serious steps into that brave new world of whatever/whomever is out there for me.
I was originally planning to title this post: The Perfect Woman. For any guy that wants to comment that there is no such thing as a perfect woman: Be sure to leave a comment right here on this post. If you leave your real name and address, some of the other readers can stop by and ‘hammer’ home their point that you’re wrong. Do you prefer claw, ball-peen, or mallet?
(But, guess what guys, I’m with you, there is no such thing as a perfect woman. Even Barbie isn’t in proportion.)
What is important to me is that someone is compatible with me. Flaws that someone else might see in a woman I like aren’t necessarily flaws for me. For me, perhaps that woman perfect. And that’s all that counts when it counts to finding a mate.
I decided to list some things that appeal to me. I’ve taken the trouble to put them in alphabetical order because there is no realistic way of prioritizing things like this.
I’ve written this as if I’m writing to YOU, my future mate. I tried using the third-person, but it didn’t sound right.
Age. I don’t care how exactly old you are, except that it should be “reasonable”. Twenty years younger than me isn’t going to work because there’s going to be a generation gap we can’t bridge. Too much older and it’s the same problem in reverse.
Children. I have three girls and I’d willingly die for any of them. I don’t expect you to do that, but it would help our relationship if you didn’t want to murder them. (Although, from time to time, I’d definitely empathize if you did. Teens aren’t always easy to love!)
England, Europe and/or the Antipodes. I’ve lived in five countries in total and most of my relatives are in England. You probably need to have some understanding of life in England, Europe, or Australia/New Zealand to appreciate me and my background.
Humor. This one is really important. Life’s a bitch, they say. So let’s laugh about it rather than waste time pining for something better. Humor defuses tension, lubricates the enjoyment of life, and help to erase the dumb mistakes we make. A good sense of humor provides boundless and endless fun. (Note: Puns are still illegal. YOU think they’re funny; no-one else does; that’s why we never laugh.)
Intelligence. You need to be clever and quick. This one is really important. If I’m too much cleverer than you, you would feel uncomfortable and I would get bored. On the other hand, if you’re much cleverer than me, you can do all the book-keeping for the family, and I’ll try to keep up!
Language and Words. If you can’t express yourself clearly, the ongoing misunderstandings will doom us. If you like friendly verbal sparring, and the fun is in the banter not the victory, life will be a varied adventure with giggles as passengers.
Moments. A happy life doesn’t mean that everything goes right all the time. A happy relationship has happy “moments” … those day-to-day things that make you pleased you’re making the effort, those occasional things that make you glad you didn’t give up. “Moments” build fond memories and support a relationship through the inevitable mistakes and difficult times.
Nurturing. Sometimes men get ill. So do women, but women are much stronger and just carry on. Men are weak and feeble and need nurturing. I discovered that this closely-kept secret has been revealed to the world via this YouTube video from a BBC comedy called Man Stroke Woman (Thanks T!). (Note: If you don’t realize that I’m joking about this, we might have a problem.)
Pretty. I’m odd because I have a clear distinction between “beautiful” and “pretty” and I usually think very little of the Miss World entrants and other famous beauties. I have no way of putting it into words, but I find someone to be “pretty” because of other things about them that appeal to me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about this.
Self-Awareness. I am often described as analytical. I think and reason my way through relationships and problems. If you simply *feel* your way through life, this can make things difficult. I’m not a robot and don’t mean feelings aren’t important, only that they work hand-in-hand with reason.
Sharing and Trust. It’s absolutely fine if you want to be a very private person…but you’re not for me. I’m more comfortable if we’re willing to share. The minutiae: our daily thoughts, worries and victories. The bigger things: hopes for the future, our past errors, plans for careers or the kids. With sharing comes trust, and trust between us is rewarded many times over by an intimacy and an understanding that other people outside the relationship can’t reach.
Sweetness. This doesn’t mean you can’t ride a motorbike or be prepared to do sweaty yardwork. It means there needs to a gentle side to your nature. It’s important to feel a personal connection; a relationship isn’t a professional partnership.
I’m sure I’ve missed some important points, but that’s what the Comments section is for — you can point out my extremely-obvious-in-retrospect omissions. 🙂
I was listening to the song while tapping away. It occurred to me that you might pay attention to the lyrics and assume some synchronicity between my desires and those expressed in three poorly-structured verses. No! You can find the lyrics via this or other links. I am hopeful you know my tastes to be a little more sophisticated than these!
Did you watch the music video? I’ll bet you never noticed it; I didn’t the first time. The drummer is like me–he’s left-handed. He’s unusual in that he doesn’t cross his hands to play the high-hat cymbal. You were thinking the same thing? Sure…
Addendum 1: “T” doesn’t stand for Thomas (no offence), but someone else who sent me the YouTube link. After I complained about something. 🙂
Addendum 2: For anyone who put an age range in a comment, I have removed the LOWER limit for age as otherwise anyone could determine your age and the age of your oldest child. Just in case you hadn’t realized this…