Divorce for Men … versus Women

[[ This Post was originally published in 2011, and I edited it in 2018 to remove some key information ]]

It occurs to me, as I babble away, that in my mind’s eye I am writing to someone. Not to an individual, but the ‘idea’ of someone. Not to someone I am trying to connect to, or chat up, but it seems in my head that I should be telling my story to someone, not just writing to ‘the world’.

But, for me, it seems that I write with the thought in my head that a woman, or women, will read this. There’s no good reason for me to assume this. But I guess that maybe many men either wouldn’t be comfortable talking about “feelings” in the same way or wouldn’t actually be feeling the same way about this. (Guys, however many there are out there, please feel to correct me if I am wrong).

At work, I have noticed that guys getting together have very different kinds of conversations to mixed or female-only groups. There’s more macho in guy-only chatter. There’s more content in other kinds of groups. As I have three daughters and a wife (although the jury is out on the latter for now), my house is often occupied with a ratio of 1 man (me) : Many girls/women. Conversation around the breakfast table after one or more girls have had a sleepover (for the non-US readers, kids here like to sleep over at friends’ houses on weekends: a “sleepover”) with my daughters is probably different to what it would be had I had sons instead of daughters.

Do men really approach divorce differently? Or do they feel it the same but are they simply too shy / repressed / conditioned to avoid the discussion? For me, I love writing, so putting myself out there is not as scary. Trying to find the right words to capture the essence of what I am thinking is the harder part.

Which leads on to a final question. Who initiates separation typically? Is it the classic man-bonks-woman-who-is-not-his-wife that is the most common scenario? Do women throw men out for being absent or distant? I don’t have the answers, but I expect it’s revealing in some way. I’m sure there’s one or two very common scenarios, then the odder cases like mine, where my wife is still somewhere in the house, but not with me anymore.

About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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1 Response to Divorce for Men … versus Women

  1. No name says:

    I’m afraid I have no answers to your questions, but a sneaky suspicion that each story is different, and that your scenario is neither more or less common than others.

    It sounds like your wife is taking it out on you, which is a typical guilt response. She probably does not like herself or what she’s doing right now, and you remind her of that?

    Anyway, in my experience, guys who voice, let alone write about their feelings are rare, and you are brave for doing it. Hope it helps you.
    Poor cow

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