My Second Counseling Session – Food For Thought

After my first counseling session, I was still alone for the second session. My wife still shows no interest in attending.

In the first, I spent a lot of time outlining how I (we) had reached this point (as far as I could). I had talked about the unexpectedly powerful impact of the death of her father last year, of her sudden and brief dip into depression early this year, of how it seemed odd and incongruous: I had finally switched from a somewhat thankless job with few prospects into a pleasant one with better prospects and had been coming home from work happier than in some time.

I expected the second session to be different and it was. This time, the dialog was not so one-sided. The counselor wanted to know more about the relationship itself, how we worked together as a couple, how we interacted in the routines of a day. She challenged me to explain why I glossed over some things and expanded on others. She was starting to get a sense of the relationship and dug deeper.

I didn’t have all the answers for my counselor and she charged me with things to think about and things to explore and discover.

I don’t have all the answers and might never get them. My wife told one of my daughters that she might kill herself. Well that changes everything. She devastated my daughter who now asks me each night as I put her to bed and spend time with her, if she’s really going to do it. I tell my daughter no, of course not. But I can’t be sure. I asked my wife about it (I wanted to scold her for saying such a thing to my daughter, but that’s an argument for another day) and she declaimed it as just a bad day.

There was a time, many years ago in England, when she was suffering from what I later learned was post-partum depression after the birth of our first daughter. I woke up early to find her in the garage, with the keys to the car in the ignition. My appearance broke her reverie, and I still wonder if I had slept late, would she really have started the car and ended it all. Now I have to figure out how serious this relevation is, and what to do about it. If she’ll let me do anything at all.

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About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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4 Responses to My Second Counseling Session – Food For Thought

  1. No name says:

    Wow, it sounds like she’s got problems. And sadly, you cannot fix them for her, she has to want to do it herself.
    I am faced with a similar situation, and it is heartbreaking to powerlessly watch the person you love destroy your relationship and your family because what they are really trying to destroy is themselves.
    Sorry I cannot be be more comforting,
    E aka Poor cow

    • Sean A Dunn says:

      E,

      I don’t know whether it’s polite to ask or not so feel free to respond with: No Comment, You Nosy Man.

      Have you too had to worry whether or not he might want to not just leave the family but take a more drastic step? It’s difficult to tell the difference between dramatic words intended to shock and deep-seated problems revealed in moments of clarity.

      Since I’m asking nosy questions anyway…I assume your youngest is too small to know what’s going on, but your 7-year old must be affected. Have you been able to keep an eye on him? I’ve tried to pay careful attention to the moods of my girls and to be a ‘rock’ for them. Until the situation changes further, I may be past the worst because they’ve settled into some new routines.

      But, honestly, this whole ‘thing’ (does it have a name yet?) has been exhausting. I am doing the job of both parents except on school mornings, as well as trying to prepare the house for a possible sale if it is forced on me. All those nice-to-do things that I could do “next year” are now potential sales value improvements. For me, the girls are old enough, they don’t slow me down in this regard; they actually help when helping me! But it must be harder for you because yours are younger and need more of your time.

  2. Pingback: Should marriage counseling include the kids? | I think Divorce is likely

  3. Pingback: Should marriage counseling include the kids? | Four is a Family

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