Match.com isn’t for everyone

I’ve talked about a certain fascination for someone. On this subject, I’ve been quite mysterious.

I’ve also talked about being set up by my own daughter with the mother of one of her friends. I owe a catch-up on this soon.

But, first, this seems like a good time to share my short time on Match.com as I found it very interesting.

I don’t know what the relative statistics are, but I assume that men outnumber women. I also assume that, as in the physical world, men do more chasing than women. I’m not commenting on whether this is fair or not, just noting the statistical fact.

Occasionally a sweet but unappealing lady sent me e-mails without any preamble. I didn’t mind someone doing it, but they were invariably uninteresting to me. Again, just a statistic (with little data to support it).

Sometimes a lady would “Wink” at me which, for the uninitiated, means I got a message that literally gave me no more information than Lady X had winked at me. It didn’t take me long to figure out that NO WOMAN wants a guy to wink at her, even in response to a wink. Instead, whether it’s me making the initial contact or responding to a wink, the correct approach is an e-mail. Simple.

The net effect for me was very straight-forward. If I wanted to meet someone interesting, I generally had to do the chasing.

To summarize so far: Me man. Me hunt women. (Grunt.) Winking by me pointless. Me need to use big words to woo woman. Got it so far?

There are three things a woman could do when I sent an e-mail:
1. Nothing
2. Respond using the “No Thanks” button **
3. Respond with an e-mail

** The “No Thanks” button sends me a thanks-but-no-thanks e-mail so I know my message was received but she is not interested. It’s very useful as it saves me having to keep track of who might still respond in the future.

I found only a few people used the “No Thanks” button. Most people ignored me completely (65%) or sent me an e-mail response (35%).

It is worth noting that subsequent discussions with many people holds that my status of “Separated” rather than “Divorced” was a certain reason why fewer people were interested in me than could have been the case. (It doesn’t justify ignoring me, but does explain the rejection rate.)

I had a number of people that just vanished after a few e-mails were exchanged. On a few occasions I did that to women — those that completely misrepresented themselves in some way (for example, they revealed they didn’t live a few miles away, but instead lived in another country!).

Overall, of the people that sent me an e-mail, 90% wanted to move on to chat by phone or meet in person. I had a number of first dates and a few second dates. Often a phone call was enough to determine that, no, it could never work out. Which was fine as the goal was to find a match, not just anyone.

Each day I got an e-mail that listed possible Matches for me. Many were completely unsuitable. For example, I’ve no idea why they think me, with 3 teenage kids, would be suitable for someone who has explicitly said they want to meet a man with no kids at all. In one case, I contacted one of the ladies from the daily e-mail and we got along fine. We chatted by phone and then she asked why I selected her. I explained the daily e-mail. She said, “But I said no kids.” Oops! I hadn’t noticed this! We chatted occasionally for a few more days before she decided that her Korean family wouldn’t approve and that was that. Hrrmpph.

I eventually took down my profile (it is now “Hidden”). One thing I have noted though is that Match doesn’t keep track of the women with whom I have made contact. So I have noted an interesting statistic: Of the women who responded to me (even to eventually reject me), I rarely if ever see any of these in my daily e-mails (so they may have found someone). Of those that completely ignored me, a sigificant percentage of these appear in my daily e-mails as still looking for someone. Yay for manners. If you’re (a) a woman and (b) think it’s OK to competely ignore guys who send you sensible e-mails (it’s OK to ignore the plonkers who send ridiculous e-mails)… maybe you ought to re-think your approach to guys as a whole. It seems to indicate that that kind of approach to guys doesn’t lead to romantic success. Just saying…

But why did I take down my profile?

My next significant post will be titled: And then there was one

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About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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17 Responses to Match.com isn’t for everyone

  1. Off the Wall says:

    SD, sometimes people don’t respond because if you are not a member, you cannot read email, therefore you cannot respond. That sucks, because it discourages people from browsing around.

    • Hi OTW,
      Interesting idea. I guess it’s possible. My arguments against are that I only tried to communicate with women who had complete profiles (full text, pics, answers to the general questions, etc.) and the vast majority has graduate degrees and lived in my area, which implies 6-figure incomes. I’m not sure very many would balk at the small Match.com fees. But I could be wrong.

      Thanks for your thoughts on this. Fascinating to think someone might put all that effort into a profile but not sign up to be able to respond! Wow.

      • Off the Wall says:

        They can browse profiles, and send winks and get winks back. Supposedly that will make them want to sign up, lol.
        But hey wait a minute…I’m on Match…I have a complete profile with full text pics, answers to the general questions etc…..have a graduate degree….live in your area? OMG are you stalking me????? Are you THAT guy????? lol

      • Often our graduate degrees and incomes will mean that we are too busy to log into Match every day, or even every month, and YES, this is coming from someone who is supposed to be out there actively trying to meet men.

        Also, there is no way of knowing if a person put up a profile and then just walked away from their membership, possibly due to meeting someone, frustrations similar to yours, offensive interactions with other Match members. Small fees aside – I haven’t had to pay for my membership for months – and sometimes it’s still not worth it, even after investing the time to set up a profile.

  2. Yay for you! Waiting with baited breath for the next post….. 🙂
    And yeah, I was one of those cheap-ass women who signed up and refused to pay… wink all you want, I’ll never know who the hell you are…I’ll be over on POF if you need me, where the insanity is top of the line and it screams free! Low-income dating! 🙂 Thank gawd, I’m off of there!

    • Ok “CAW” (your acronym, not mine!)

      If you don’t pay and someone sends you an e-mail from within Match.com, how do you reply to it?

      I didn’t find it the bad place so many say, I thought it was mostly fine. I met interesting women, made one friend out of it, and generally thought it was one way to meet someone new.

      • CAW – may just be the perfect acronym for this girl….as in the noise this HAWK feels like making lately….

        I didn’t – I left match and went to the bottom feeder of the ocean, POF!

  3. Lady E says:

    My experience on Meetic (the French Match.com) has been too short-lived to draw any statistically significant conclusions: 3 weeks, and only one date before I met Mr Nice… From talking to others though, it seems these dating websites work well for people who are really genuinely ready to let someone into their lives… Isn’t that a weird thought?
    I didn’t think I was for starters…
    Anyway, yup, waiting for your next post…And are we ever going to find get a chance to finish last week’s conversation?? Looks like Sunday night might be my next available window. 🙂
    xx

    • Hi E,

      Glad we got the chance to chat again. It was also the most acceptable way to get interrupted. 🙂

      Does France have Match.com too? Or is Meetic a French version of the same site?

  4. Caroline says:

    Can’t wait to read your next post.

    I’ve virtually given up on the internet dating thing. No emails and when I do write to someone they don’t respond!!

  5. DFB says:

    I’d say your assessment is 100% accurate and fair, based on my experience with online dating. At least you get to fish out some of the crazy before you waste any of your precious free time! Time which, it sounds like, will be pre-booked by a certain someone… (sooo unfair that you left us all hanging, says a hypocritcal me)

    • Hi DFB (your ‘handle’ makes me squirm, by the way!)

      Actually, you’ve reminded me of something I didn’t mention. Almost every day, I got e-mails from young women with poor English. I explored a few of these to find out why. Despite claiming to be local, they were actually Russian or African women looking for someone to fall for them and get them a Green Card. No thanks…

  6. DFB says:

    Ah, it’s not so bad if you read the story behind it. It’s a little aggressive, though. Really considering a change soon, considering how much I’ve changed since I started the blog. Green Cards? Really? That’s sad. I never got that, but I did weed out a lot of guys with terrible grammar. It made me feel snobbish, but c’mon!

  7. The Old Heave Ho says:

    I felt silly posting this on your more serious post so I choose this later one 😀

    Anyway … I nominated you for a blog award! Yay! You will find the rules here: http://socialworkerangela.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/a-bunch-of-randomness-and-my-first-award-squee/

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