I’ve talked about a certain fascination for someone. On this subject, I’ve been quite mysterious.
I’ve also talked about being set up by my own daughter with the mother of one of her friends. I owe a catch-up on this soon.
But, first, this seems like a good time to share my short time on Match.com as I found it very interesting.
I don’t know what the relative statistics are, but I assume that men outnumber women. I also assume that, as in the physical world, men do more chasing than women. I’m not commenting on whether this is fair or not, just noting the statistical fact.
Occasionally a sweet but unappealing lady sent me e-mails without any preamble. I didn’t mind someone doing it, but they were invariably uninteresting to me. Again, just a statistic (with little data to support it).
Sometimes a lady would “Wink” at me which, for the uninitiated, means I got a message that literally gave me no more information than Lady X had winked at me. It didn’t take me long to figure out that NO WOMAN wants a guy to wink at her, even in response to a wink. Instead, whether it’s me making the initial contact or responding to a wink, the correct approach is an e-mail. Simple.
The net effect for me was very straight-forward. If I wanted to meet someone interesting, I generally had to do the chasing.
To summarize so far: Me man. Me hunt women. (Grunt.) Winking by me pointless. Me need to use big words to woo woman. Got it so far?
There are three things a woman could do when I sent an e-mail:
2. Respond using the “No Thanks” button **
3. Respond with an e-mail
** The “No Thanks” button sends me a thanks-but-no-thanks e-mail so I know my message was received but she is not interested. It’s very useful as it saves me having to keep track of who might still respond in the future.
I found only a few people used the “No Thanks” button. Most people ignored me completely (65%) or sent me an e-mail response (35%).
It is worth noting that subsequent discussions with many people holds that my status of “Separated” rather than “Divorced” was a certain reason why fewer people were interested in me than could have been the case. (It doesn’t justify ignoring me, but does explain the rejection rate.)
I had a number of people that just vanished after a few e-mails were exchanged. On a few occasions I did that to women — those that completely misrepresented themselves in some way (for example, they revealed they didn’t live a few miles away, but instead lived in another country!).
Overall, of the people that sent me an e-mail, 90% wanted to move on to chat by phone or meet in person. I had a number of first dates and a few second dates. Often a phone call was enough to determine that, no, it could never work out. Which was fine as the goal was to find a match, not just anyone.
Each day I got an e-mail that listed possible Matches for me. Many were completely unsuitable. For example, I’ve no idea why they think me, with 3 teenage kids, would be suitable for someone who has explicitly said they want to meet a man with no kids at all. In one case, I contacted one of the ladies from the daily e-mail and we got along fine. We chatted by phone and then she asked why I selected her. I explained the daily e-mail. She said, “But I said no kids.” Oops! I hadn’t noticed this! We chatted occasionally for a few more days before she decided that her Korean family wouldn’t approve and that was that. Hrrmpph.
I eventually took down my profile (it is now “Hidden”). One thing I have noted though is that Match doesn’t keep track of the women with whom I have made contact. So I have noted an interesting statistic: Of the women who responded to me (even to eventually reject me), I rarely if ever see any of these in my daily e-mails (so they may have found someone). Of those that completely ignored me, a sigificant percentage of these appear in my daily e-mails as still looking for someone. Yay for manners. If you’re (a) a woman and (b) think it’s OK to competely ignore guys who send you sensible e-mails (it’s OK to ignore the plonkers who send ridiculous e-mails)… maybe you ought to re-think your approach to guys as a whole. It seems to indicate that that kind of approach to guys doesn’t lead to romantic success. Just saying…
But why did I take down my profile?
My next significant post will be titled: And then there was one