She said, “I love you”

Last night, I had a big surprise.

My runaway wife, Danielle, took two of my girls to the shopping mall for a Private Shopping event after dinner last night. It was held at the shop where my oldest daughter is working before going back to college. Danielle brought all three of them back to her apartment, where I picked them up later on.

When I arrived to pick them up, she told me that she had invited all three of them for dinner at her apartment on Tuesday night and they’d all accepted. Whoa! They’re all talking to her!

Also, as I was leaving, she said “I love you” to each of them (but not me, of course). I don’t know what’s happened exactly, but it’s nice that they’re finally getting along again.

With reference to my recent Pity Party plans and desire for some free time, this should be a great chance for me to have an evening to myself! Wild times! Except I have a Committee meeting the same night! Shit!

I’m pleased with this progress. She’s talking to them. They’re talking to her, and they’re not using the rude words they used to. This is a healthy thing for all of them.

Still, it would be nice to know what brought this sea change on. I’m a curious type…

(Note: I’ll bet you thought my post was going to be about something completely different. I’m a little mean when it comes to misleading Titles!)


About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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23 Responses to She said, “I love you”

  1. Heheehe…you are funny:) Glad to hear maybe you will be getting some free time. Healing is good….

  2. Off the Wall says:

    You did fool me! Good job! Hopefully the holidays are bringing some christmas spirit to your wife!

  3. Lost in France says:

    you got me.
    I still find it hard when I see the Ex kissing all the kids and telling them how much she loves them. And I am left standing there like a pork pie at a jewish wedding.

    • Re: I am left standing there like a pork pie at a jewish wedding
      LOL! Very clever!

      Actually, I’m quite OK with her being all sweet and cuddly with the girls (we’re not there yet, but I will be OK with it). I’ve always aimed for her to have a good relationship with them. In this single regard, I don’t mind me being left out.

      • Lost in France says:

        I am glad when my Ex tries to be a normal Mum. I still pine for the times when the biggest hugs and kisses were saved for me.
        However it is consistency the kids need. I hope your Ex will keep this up

  4. Lady E says:

    That’s great news SD… But like you, I am curious to know where this sudden change came from. Anyway, here’s hoping you can get a few free nights from now on! x

  5. mysterycoach says:

    This is nice, I’m curious where it comes from too. Although the girls do need time with their mother. You know … I don’t know this woman, your wife, but since I work in the legal field… my brain though, I wonder if she would like to live in the house and if the girls forgive her your out. Oh my god… that’s an awful thought. But you know? And I apologize however it frittered into my head… and out through my fingertips.

    Here’s to hoping for “good” things and none of that evil stuff I know people are capable of. Agh, what can I say, I’m over protective of my friends. (shrugs shoulders, grins… goes back to work)

    As to the comment above feeling like a pork pie at a jewish wedding? HAHAHAHA!!!!

    • I don’t think she wants the house and the girls. Although, if she does, she can do the lawn, the cleaning, the tidying, get the kids organized, and all of the other things that probably contributed to her breakdown in the first place. Fortunately for me, the girls are old enough to have a legal say in who they stay with, so for now, I feel safe enough! Darn, does this mean, I’ll have to be nice to them when I get home tonight?

      • mysterycoach says:

        Yah… chocolate pudding pie nice 🙂 LOL or whatever their favorite desert is. I never know what to say to her leaving the girls. My daughter drives me nuts sometimes, but I love her and it wouldn’t occur to me to leave her behind.

        Kind of like, “over my dead body”. Sure I want to hang her off the empire state building from time to time by her big toes tar and feathered, no doubt. I don’t know, not judging just not sure how that happens.

  6. I suspect that this stems from some degree of reflection following her exclusion at Thanksgiving. She is certainly aware that THAT snubbing was due to the girls and not you. That might have been the wake-up call she needed to shake her out of her selfish reverie… then again, it might just be a manipulation to finagle an invite for Christmas. Whomever she’s seeing likely has family obligations of his own, and *most* people want to be with their children at the holidays.

    I sincerely hope that Danielle is ready to dig in and be present for the children. It’s not easy to build a new life and still meet the parental obligations of your old one, but plenty of us do it, so she can, too. The real test of her commitment to making things right (because, let’s be honest, it’s more her responsibility than the girls) will be how available she is to resume her duties as their mother beyond a weekly dinner. They all need her — some more than others — and her other obligations and priorities won’t change that.

    As for you having more time, unlike most of our kids, your girls are old enough to each fix dinner once per week, get their homework and chores done on their own, and be left at home unsupervised for an evening. It’s up to you to set the new expectations and enforce them. Right after our separation, their therapist talked to me and my ex at length about how and why this was especially important during and after a divorce, as part of establishing a “new normal.”

    Most humans (and particularly children) will allow you to do as much for them as they can. How many of us would have chefs and maids and chauffeurs if we could? 🙂 No matter how kind or intelligent, it’s simply human nature to sit back and let our parents take care of us for as long as possible. Sweet gestures are wonderful and appreciated, but what you need right now is more than breakfast in bed — you need some privacy and some “you” time and some healthy boundaries. (But you already knew this, of course!)

    Creating healthy boundaries after divorce that enable us to have adult lives alongside being great parents isn’t easy, but people do it all the time. You will, too. 🙂 GOOD LUCK!

    • mysterycoach says:

      This is great advice Precarious. I would definitely have a chef if I could. No doubt in my mind and you’re right too, people will get others to do whatever for them at any time… and whatever we allow to go on will.

      Nicely said, as always. I love your stuff.

    • Hi TPG,

      There’s a reasonable chance that you’re right about her motivation after the Thanksgiving exclusion. I don’t think she could be manipulative though. Interested in some “family time” for Xmas, yes, that’s possible. Who would want to spend that time alone…

      I am waiting to see if it extends to a regular weekly dinner and–even better–beyond that to other regular motherly support. Not only might it free up some of my time, it might also help ease the troubled minds of my girls.

      Theoretically my kids can fix dinner, do their own homework, etc. In practice, it’s not consistent without some level of supervision and there are few motivations/penalties that can be easily applied. This means using the ones that are hard to apply. *sigh* 🙂

      If you want to pop around and explain the healthy boundaries concepts to my kids, let me know and I’ll leave the key out!

      • Off the Wall says:

        Quite truthfully I think it depends on how you were raised. I had two parents, but both worked. My sister and I did all the cooking, cleaning, ironing, and babysitting of my brother. HOWEVER, my sister raised her kids to do nothing of the sort! I think it would be hard to do a switcheroo later in their lives. But I do think they should share in the workload. A family dinner talk might be helpful in identifying the issues to the kids! Maybe they will take pride in learning how to do something helpful. Okay maybe not, but it was a good thought!

        • Hi OTW,
          I think you’re right–getting the girls to change isn’t easy. The girls had the advantage that their mom was home for many years and only went back to work a few years ago. I told her many times that she should be more persistent with getting the kids to clean their own bathroom, do the vacuuming, etc. but she honestly enjoyed it and never pushed them. Yay me, now I get to see if they’ll participate more. Being honest, they ARE ok with doing some cooking. Cleaning, not so much…

  7. Anne says:

    “Free Time”? I am still drinking it up at the bar at the Pity Party and don’t know what that is. I am glad you have the intention and twinkle in your eye, that is an awesome start!

  8. kimberly says:

    it is *great* to read this about rw and the girls.

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