Relationships have many elements to them: Trust. Respect. The usual kinds of love, affection, and intimacy. The list goes on.
They also ebb and flow, both when starting up and when in trouble. There are a number of patterns of behavior.
Some time ago, a good friend sent me this pattern that some couples follow:
“I follow you, and you flee me. I flee you, and you follow me.”
Does it describe a natural ebbing and flowing? Or does it represent a power struggle? I’m not sure.
The “I flee you, and you follow me” second half may depend on a power change between the two partners. This is not a certain thing. If “I flee you” is followed by “and you forget me” then…oops! An outcome like this would be possible if the second person only had the illusion of control.
The first half also has a possible hiccup. Perhaps “I follow you, and you flee me” occurs because the first person appears ‘needy’ or ‘desperate’. It’s not uncommon for someone to flee if they feel pursued too vigorously. It might explain why we try to be ‘cool’ when dating — to avoid giving off signals that may cause the other to flee. It also gives cause for pause…how often do couples split because of misperceptions like this?
I don’t have answers; I’ve been puzzling over this for a while. But I do wonder if the phenomenon is real. If so, is there a ‘smarter’ way that we can approach budding relationships or stay in relationships?