I don’t think I have taken a comment from a posting and turned it into a new posting before.
The original comment is here.
Specifically, BornAgainSingle said, “…you’re handling all the things that keep coming at you…”
This post isn’t to dwell on any superhero stuff. Me? Ha! Frankly, what I have been coping with pales in comparison with what wives typically have to cope with when a husband walks out.
For me, it has been much easier in many ways:
So far money hasn’t been a problem, local friends haven’t turned against me or been forced to swear an allegiance to one or the other of us, and I am assured that my job is safe despite my recent difficulties.
Having these kinds of things off the table, which is often not the case for other people, has meant the pain has not spread to too many parts of my life. It has been focused on (a) my feelings for my wife, (b) trying to support my girls, (c) trying to rearrange my life to be a single dad instead of a married parent, and (d) all the other things that I can’t remember right now because it’s almost midnight and I’m tired.
Re (a): The feelings for my wife have been on the back burner most of the time since she hasn’t been around much for months now. Living in the basement bedroom suite before moving out meant I rarely saw her. She has been sociable more often than not when I have seen her. The recent discovery that there might be a third party has changed this.
Re (b): Until recently, my girls have been both supportive and in need of support, and we have been a cohesive team. I hope that the recent problems are only temporary and we get back to working closely together to buoy each other. Not only are the three of them my favorite people on the planet, I want to try to limit the effect of my wife’s departure on their lives. I want them to feel fulfilled and happy and loved as much as I can.
Re (c): Rearranging my life has been much harder than I thought. I have had to seal off so many emotions to switch to be ‘single dad’ and ‘stay home guy’ and, because of (b), I’ve been Ok with it. The sheer volume of work is daunting, however. It hasn’t helped that my day-to-day stuff has to fit in the context of a Master Plan to be able to sell this house this summer if I am forced to. This requires me to worry about washing, drying, ironing, cleaning, cooking for the kids (although they help with all of this now), but also figure out what major projects (like the basement waterproofing project I have whined about for a while now) have to be done to get the house in better condition. It’s funny how we don’t think twice about the old bathroom until we think about selling, then realize — wow! — that stuff is more than 50 years old! To cope with such large things, I have really had to bottle up emotions and focus on planning.
As a number of people have told me now, there’s an upper limit to how long this can go on before a fuse blows…I just want the strength to get through June, then I can have some free time for a leisurely breakdown!