Should marriage counseling include the kids?

I have written about my first and second counseling sessions.

With no prior experience of counseling, I didn’t know what to expect. Armed with feedback from the second session, I have given it some time. More please.

I think it might be wise to include my youngest, Charlotte. I don’t know yet if involving the children is a smart or dumb thing to do, but she is struggling to cope with an estranged mother that lives in the same house as her. It’s confusing and painful for both Brigitte and Charlotte. Perhaps a chance to talk to a professional will be helpful. It’s not that I’ve run out of ideas, but I don’t know which might be helpful versus harmful.

My wife’s ongoing refusal to attend any counseling sessions is not a good sign. In fact, I just don’t see the subtle signals that this can all work out.

Our relationship started with nothing but an instinct that we could cross continents and make it work. Time and events buffeted our relationship and, at times, damaged it. Did we repair those fractures well or just paper over them and hope for the best? Are our ties fraying or torn asunder? Another wounded ‘relationship warrior’ eloquently expressed similar thoughts about ties.

In summary, I wonder if Schrödinger’s cat is already dead, but I haven’t thought to check, and I’m watching my future unfold in some kind of horrible slow-motion with an already-determined outcome that I’m the only one that hasn’t picked up on.


About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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2 Responses to Should marriage counseling include the kids?

  1. No name says:

    In my experience, while it may be useful to have a few joint sessions of counselling with the children, it is better for everyone to have their ongoing counselling separately. Because everyone can be more free to say or ask what they want with a neutral third party than if a family member is present. But it may depend on situations, counselling styles, what people feel like… Whatever you decide, good luck with it.

    • Struggling Dad says:

      Thanks E.

      That seems very reasonable. Next week, Charlotte and I will go along together to test the waters. As you suggest, if she needs more help, perhaps going independently of me is better for her.

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