Am in the middle of the end?

This is my opening entry. But it isn’t Day One. It’s some weeks ago that my wife decided she didn’t want to be with me or our girls anymore.

As I write this, I am in my bed–what was our bed–alone and lonely. The kids were asleep hours ago. It’s the nights I find hardest because I no longer have the motivation to catch up on paperwork, but don’t find the freedom of a hard sleep easy either.

I think a divorce is likely but it’s not certain. The uncertainty adds to the stress, but it is a step above being told it’s all over. Perhaps my wife is having a mid-life crisis and will come back one day with her tail between her legs. How many men have trodden that path before?

I have decided to chronicle my experiences in this blog. I don’t even know if it’s personal to me or visible to the world. I assume my real name won’t be visible, but haven’t checked that carefully yet. I want to be able to be open, but protect the innocent and, although I don’t know why, the guilty.

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About Single Dad

I married young. Now, after more than 20 years of marriage, 3 wonderful daughters, and many ups and downs, my wife has decided the marriage is over. The "About Me" and "My Background" pages on my blog have more details.
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9 Responses to Am in the middle of the end?

  1. No name says:

    Hey Struggling Dad,
    Going through the same sort of trauma as you, although my partner actually left, and just like you it prompted me to start a blog. I have found it helpful in a way I cannot explain and hope you will too. It’s funny to see that a man can feel pretty much exactly the same way I do…Take care, I’ll keep an eye out for you.
    Poor cow

    • Struggling Dad says:

      Hi E,

      Thanks very much for the feedback. I’m sure that, if we had more money in the bank or a higher joint income, she would have already left.

      I’m not sure where the blog will take me but I intend to pursue it for now. Whether it’s carthartic or simply a place to whine, I’m determined to persist. I’m not even sure yet how visible it is to other people.

      Your site says you lived in the UK for 12 years. That’s even longer than me and it’s where my family is from! Hope you enjoyed your time there; some parts of England are very nice. We might have stayed there if the nicer houses weren’t so expensive.

      Best regards…

  2. No name says:

    I think your blog is visible to all and sundry right now…
    Yes, I did love my time in England, and do miss my friends, garden and job dearly. But life in France is really nice (or at least was until 3 months ago for me), and I’m not just saying that because it’s my home country ;o). I’m having a moment of doubt here, did you actually see my Poor Cow blog or my professional site?
    Where are you, if you’re English but not living there?
    Anyway, I hope you’re coping…
    Take care

    • Struggling Dad says:

      Hi E,

      The first time, it was the professional site, with your name (I hope this wasn’t supposed to be secret) and general location (somewhere in France that I don’t recognize).

      This time you attached the ‘poor cow’ site in your reply, with the heart-wrenching tale of what has happened to you and your young family.

      You poor thing. (I’d say “poor cow” except, from here in the USA, it would not have the same meaning as it does for someone with an English background).

      Am I coping? I’m not sure. I honestly think I am still in some kind of denial right now. I have the advantage that, to many people, it doesn’t seem as if much has happened. And there is still the chance that this will someknow knit itself back together. For you, him leaving made it real and harsh immediately. I’m not even sure I could have kept going to work if that had happened to me. Or maybe if it *does* happen to me.

      My only piece of sage wisdom: They say time heals. Of course, “they” don’t have to sit around lonely at night, waiting for time to get off its butt and get moving.

  3. No name says:

    Hey there,
    Ok, I kind of wanted to keep to anonymity for the time being, but it’s no big deal really, not exactly as though I was leaking CIA secrets on that blog.
    We had started counselling before my partner up-ed and left, and I did find it very useful. Generally, I have found counselling (now on my own) helpful, and hope you can find something in it. Is your wife considering it or not at all?
    Denial is normal, and as you said, your wife has not left for the time being, money or not, the fact is she hasn’t taken that step. It gives her time to mull things over.
    You’re right though, how unfair is it that time seems to be crawling when you’re actually in pain and want it to get on with it. It’s like having a large object stub your toe and waiting for it in time to remove itself from your toe, or is it for your toe to fall off? Anyway, blast, not nice…
    Take care!

    • Struggling Dad says:

      Hi E,

      First, I changed your name to just an initial. For what it’s worth, I live less than a mile from CIA headquarters, so it’s lucky you DON’T have any big secrets!

      My wife claims that counseling is pointless. I tried to explain that if the only thing in the world it can do is help identify why all this is happening, without fixing anything, it would still be a big step forward. Nothing. Nada. Nyet … Darn.

  4. How are you dealing with all of this and being such a wonderful dad? How are you so understanding with your wife?

  5. Pingback: Anger turned inward | Four is a Family

  6. DFB says:

    WOW. I found out about my husband’s affair two days before you posted this. Between you, me and E…I can’t believe how far we’ve come! It was very brave of you to blog in real time…it took me 18 months to share my private thoughts with others. I wish I started sooner, so as to know that I was not alone.

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